The 3-3 approach: what to say to your child on the car ride home

The drive home after a game is the most important coaching most parents will ever do, and most of us get it wrong without realising.

We go straight to what went wrong. It comes from a good place, we want them to improve, but it teaches them that mistakes are the thing we notice most.

Here’s a better way.

Start with 3 things they did well.

Be specific. Not “you played great,” but “I loved how you kept asking for the ball even when it wasn’t going your way.”

Then 3 things they feel they could do better.

Let them lead it. Ask what they thought rather than telling them. They usually know already.

And praise the effort, not the result.

The brave pass, the tracking back, asking for the ball when the game’s slipping away. That’s what you want more of.

Do this for a season and you won’t just have a better footballer.

You’ll have a child who still loves the game. And that’s the whole point.